The arrival of a baby requires the use of a highly technical vocabulary that few men master. To help you avoid sounding crazy, gentlemen, we've already suggested the following the new father's little lexicon. Buoyed by its success, we now return with Volume 2.
You'll see: talking to Dad is child's play.
Diaper cover
A mix between a t-shirt and underpants that doesn't hide the diaper so much.
Sleeper
A mix between overalls and a sleeping bag that doesn't really help you sleep.
Wet wipes
A polluting way to clean your baby's bottom, but so effective that many Greenpeace members are suspected of using it.
Mobile
A fixed object in which you occasionally hang your baby when putting him in his crib.
Milky rise
A long-awaited moment when mom's milk quotas explode. Goodbye to supply management.
Nursing apron
A piece of fabric that allows women to breastfeed in public while remaining hidden. The burqa for moms.
Baby carrier
A bag that lets you carry your baby while freeing your hands. You can use your free hands to massage your back, because a baby carrier is hard on the kidneys...
Vernix
Wax-like, whitish liquid covering the skin of newborns, used to make skateboard slides.
Amniotic fluid
"Waters" in the expression "Perdre ses eaux."
Firefighter
When a boy takes advantage of his parent's inattention to urinate without a diaper. They tend to aim for their attacker's eyes and mouth. Watch out!
Pumpkin
Female firefighter. Less dangerous for daddy's eyes, but greater risk of baby wetting his pyjamas all the way up his back.
Amniotest
Forked Q-tip for separating amniotic fluid from vaginal discharge.
Peridural
See epidural
Epidural
See epidural
Collar removal
Slimming the door frame.
Cervical dilatation
Opening the door, or as a guy from Lac-Saint-Jean would say: When the trail starts banging.
Headquarters presentation
The optimal position for expulsion is the plunge. The breech presentation is when baby decides to "bomb".
Awakening period
The magical moment when you have your first interactions with your baby. Please note that the most beautiful period of wakefulness is never as satisfying as a good period of sleep.
Colic
Bellyache generating very intense crying. Also a polite alternative to the word "câlisse". In fact, one often makes you want to say the other.
