Mom's pregnant and she's speaking to you in a language you don't understand? It's only natural.
The imminent arrival of a baby requires the use of a highly technical vocabulary that few men master. With this lexicon for dads-to-be, you'll impress mom ... or not.
Diaper bag
A bag containing wipes, pacifiers, spare pyjamas, toys, bottles ... and in which we often forget to put diapers.
Nest preparation phase
The moment in pregnancy when your girlfriend can no longer move heavy objects, and finds that no heavy object in the house is in the right place.
Obstetrics
A hospital department where the women are fat and the men look a little lost.
Basin
Plastic container for washing baby in the sink without washing the sink.
Stretch marks
Slightly wrinkled skin. Easily detected by eye and touch, but should never be commented on.
Nuchal translucency test
Poor-quality photo shoot at $100.
Moses
Small transitional bed with a useful life of 10 to 20 days. It's also a poor choice of name.
Baby blues
The postpartum period, during which a woman feels as though she’s been listening to eight hours of blues music a day.
Forceps
Large medical salad spoons that facilitate baby's expulsion, but seriously increase the risk of tearing.
Suction cup
A medical toilet flap that facilitates expulsion of the baby. Less risk of tearing than with forceps, but more chance that your child will be in the sequel to the film "Coneheads".
DME technology
Technique for feeding baby table food without taking the blender out of the cupboard.
Twin pregnancies
Play on words from the expression "J'ai-me l'air" that you made when you found out they were twins. Your face fell to the floor!
Mental load
This is a highly sensitive subject on which all forms of humor are strictly forbidden.
Placenta expulsion
This stage consists of giving birth a second time to everything that's no longer necessary, while you make skin-to-skin contact, crying with joy.
Skin to skin
A tender moment that we recommend you experience with your baby in the seconds following birth...and that you won't experience with your partner in the weeks following delivery.
Colostrum
Mom's first milk after giving birth, extremely rich in essential ingredients. Ideal for newborns or after crossfit training.
Baptism
A swearword used when a baby urinates during a diaper change (also a custom of our ancestors, it seems).
Bonapace method
A dubious technique that basically consists of "shifting the pain" at the moment of delivery. Also the only type of domestic violence that specialists consider legitimate.
Fruits and vegetables
Internationally recognized instrument for measuring fetal size.
